3 years and an awful lot of learning later.
The last time I wrote one of these blog entrys was just before my entry into the Garda college. December 2017. Oh I remember how excited and motivated I felt. I had a fire burning within me that couldn't have been extinguished by fireman Sam himself.
Now, to say things have not gone my way would be seeking pity. Things went the way I opted for them to go. My choices led me here.
Where here is, I do not know. I've had a difficult 12 months. Transitioned between 3 jobs, moved county, almost been sacked for sneezing. The list goes on. I'm now living the country life, planting veg and going for walks on the beach.
I'm living a life I never believed I would see until I was retired, yet happiness eludes me. I'm drinking more, exercising less and I'm sure this is why I feel poorly. So why don't I stop? Self sabotage seems to find its way into my mental armoury occasionally and most often when I least need it.
I have a loving girlfriend, a job, a nice car and a nice house but the dark thoughts are following me. Searching for vulnerability in me. Life has exacted what feels like 10 years of stress in the span of 3 years.
As I lay here at 1am, anxiety levels are high and I have a bedside locker in front of my door because I am having irrational thoughts about all the evil I know to reside in the world.
It does feel good to write again though. Maybe I'll try again soon.
Comments
Post a Comment